The Great Playthrough: Game 1 - Midway Arcade Hits

It's time to begin my great playthrough, and as you can see from the photo above, I was very excited to get started. And then I remembered what game I was playing...

Midway Arcade Hits (Joust/Defender)

Originally released for: Nintendo Game Boy / Game Boy Colour

Played on: Nintendo Game Boy Pocket

Release Date: 1999

As soon as this turned up as game number one on my playthrough list I was sorely disappointed. This is one of those games that I got at a car boot sale, bundled with a console. (In this case, my red Game Boy Pocket, as seen in the picture), and I remembered playing it once, for about 30 seconds, and then never touching it again.

"But never mind," I thought when I saw that it was listed first, "This is the point of the playthrough. To find those games I didn't give a fair chance to last time, and try them again. Maybe it'll be great! I mean, Joust and Defender are two famous early 80's arcade games, and if there's one thing popular old arcade games do well, it's gameplay, right?"

Well, I'm sorry to say that my previous impressions of this cartridge were not challenged in the slightest. In fact, I had to force myself to try and play both games for longer than I wanted to, and I still only lasted 15 minutes before I gave up.

The problem is primarily visual. I don't mind when graphics are basic, and I know that these games originate from the time when everything was created from blocks and triangles - which i have no problem with. The problem is that when this was transferred to the Game Boy's small screen, nobody thought "Hey, we'd better make this bigger so that people can see it". Consequentially, everything in Joust is a tiny white blob, and in Defender, while the ships are a vaguely reasonable size, the projectiles they fire are not. This would therefore lead to the infuriating situation whereby I would end up dying apparently randomly, as I had not been able to see the bullet that was hitting me.

These games also have the two issues that all modern gamers tend to find with 80's arcade games:

1) There is very little progression. The only thing you are trying to do is get a higher score.

2) Both games tend to be harder than trying to persuade the Pope to not only sanction condoms, but personally place them onto the private parts of every person trying to have sex in the world.

It's a shame in many ways, as I have played both games on other consoles (originally on my BBC B Micro when I was very young) and at that time I found them addictive and fun. And I'm sure they still are. But when I can't see what I'm doing, then it just feels that all of the fun has been surgically removed. Sorry Midway, but this was a poor conversion, and therefore my playthrough has started with a bit of a damp squib.

Rating (Out of 10): 2/10

Time played: 15 mins

Would I continue playing?: No.

So that's the first game down, and in a way it's a shame that it was such a bad game. But anyway - onwards and upwards to the next game...

Next time: Ice Climbers (Originally on NES, played on Virtual Console on 3DS)

Join me, why don't you?

And if you've got any ideas for ways I can improve these blogs, then please comment!

The Great Playthrough begins...

So, as I'm sure the vast majority of you know, the ever-wonderful Neety and I are getting married in just over a years time, and consequentially we are looking at ways to save money etc for the next year. My contribution to all of this? I'm giving up buying computer games for myself.

I'm sure that at some time in the next year I will gain new games, probably around birthdays and Christmas, but no more will I buy a game simply because it is reduced and I think I might enjoy it.

"So what are you going to do to entertain yourself Brawny?" I hear you all ask. Well, since I have over 160 games, spread over at least 13 platforms, I've decided that I'm going to play them. All of them. And I'm going to post here to let you know what I think of them. You see, in my long and varied gaming career I have obtained many games, some bought full price on release day, some bought in the sales and some bought from car boot sales, and there's a lot of them that I haven't played in years, and some that I haven't played at all.

So now I'm going to. I'm embarking on a project that I tentatively call "Brawny's great gaming playthrough." (Yes, I know it's a rubbish name, but until I think of a better one, I'm sticking with it.)

"But Brawny," I hear you all yell, "How are you going to choose which one to play?"

That's easy. I've organised them into a list. And then, with the help of an online random number generator, I've put them into a random order.

So what are the rules? Well, it's very simple. And, because I like presenting things in list form, here is a list of them.

1) I will play each game for at least an hour. At the end of the hour is when I will write up the blogpost detailing what I think of the game and whether I would like to continue playing. If I find the game so rubbish that I cannot play for an hour I won't force myself to continue, but if it's just dull I will carry on.

2) I will start from the beginning. Ignoring any save games that are already in place on the relevant games, I will pick a fresh one and start from the beginning. Where this is impossible (on games that only allow one save game that I do not wish to delete for example) I will play the game through from the beginning as best I can.

3) I will attempt to play AT LEAST one game a week. I'm going to need to do more than that if I'm going to finish this within a year, but I think one a week is a good basic level to start from.

These are not necessarily the only games I will play this year - I'm free to play any game at any time, but I will only post opinions once I have played the game in list order.

So that's it. I'm off to play my first game which is *checks list* Midway Arcade Hits on the Nintendo Game Boy. Wish me luck, and I'll see you back here soon.

Brits 2012 - Time to die of boredom...

It's time, once again, to despair of the status of modern music. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, tonight is the Brit Awards 2012 and, in honour of such a celebration of mediocrity I have decided to revive a critically acclaimed blog from two or three years ago (which I would link to, but I can't seem to find right now...). That's right, it's time for Brawny's reviews of the Best British Single Nominees. In case you don't remember the rules, it's very simple. I listen to the song until I can bear it no more, and then I log my thoughts.

Without further ado, here we go...

Adele - Someone like you

How long did I last: 1:59

Impressions: Generic and dull. (Which is not helped by hearing it used on adverts/tv shows even though I didn't know what the song was). After thirty seconds I was begging for some kind of musical variation, and for the piano to STOP PLAYING ARPEGGIOS! Basically, it's the new song for teenage girls to learn to play on the piano to "express themselves" and teenage boys to learn to play in order to impress them. In a word - Dull.

Rating: 4/10

Ed Sheeran - The A Team

How long did I last: 1:45

Impressions: Firstly, bird noises? SHUT UP. Secondly, "face" and "flakes" doesn't rhyme. And neither does "rent" and "end". In fact, continuing to listen to this song, Mr Sheeran doesn't seem to understand how rhyming works. You'll notice I haven't said anything about the music yet, and there's a reason for that. I forgot each note as soon as I heard it, due to the horrendously boring nature of it all. Apparently I listened to the chorus, although I don't remember it, which is surely the point of a chorus...

Rating: 5/10. But only just.

Example - Changed the way you kissed me

How long did I last: 0:36

Impressions: Well hello Mr Early 90's synth, I'm glad you've got work again. It's a shame, because whoever wrote this song, whether it was Mr Example himself or not, seems to have almost grasped the concept of composition, except for the simple fact that YOU CANNOT JUST REPEAT AN IRRITATING SYNTH RIFF OVER A CHORD SEQUENCE WHEN IT DOESN'T FIT!! Apparently, according to Neety, there is an entertaining bit later in this song where it goes

"Dum-de-dum-de-dum-dum - WAH!", however, if I had listened that long, my brain might have fallen out of my ears. FACT.

Rating: 2/10

Jessie J featuring BOB - Price Tag

How long did I last: 0:45

Impressions: I can't even begin to describe what's wrong with this. Firstly, the music box bit at the beginning which is not the same tune or key as the song? Secondly, she sounds like Lily Allen would sound if you abandoned her next to some tin cans in an area that was almost exactly unlike the ghetto.

Rating: 2/10

JLS Featuring Dev - She Makes me Wanna

How long did I last: 0:07

Impressions: Oh JLS (and generic music in general), have you not had the memo yet? There is absolutely NO NEED to sing your own names at the start of your song. Instantly abandoned due to this cardinal sin.

Rating: 0/10

Military Wives and Gareth Malone - Wherever you are

How long did I last: 1:53

Impressions: This is one of those songs that forces you to FEEL EMOTION! GO ON, FEEL IT! IT'S BOTH SAD AND UPLIFTING AT THE SAME TIME! Regardless of the fact that it sounds like it is an offcast from a later Lloyd-Webber musical (although if that was the case, the choir would be children), it is at least moderately musical and has some kind of tune and harmony that work together, and because of this (and in direct contrast to those I have already listened to) I may have given it more of a chance than it deserves. By the start of verse two, however, the soprano harmonies don't give it enough variation, and that's when it stops.

Rating: 6/10. The best so far...

Olly Murs feat. Rizzle Kicks - Heart Skips a Beat

How long did I last: 0:18

Impressions: I have actually heard the opening of this song several times, as it was at one point one of Neety's ring tones. Once again, however, 18 seconds in, they feel the urge to name the artists, so it's goodbye from me.

Rating: 0/10

One Direction - What makes you Beautiful

How long did I last: 1:17

Impressions: Hi, we liked the riff from Summer Lovin' so much that we felt that we should steal it, change one note and pretend it's ours. This may be generic, manufactured rubbish, but it at least bounces along comfortably, not trying to outstay it's welcome. It's almost as if they took the Backstreet Boys and genetically spliced them with Busted. However, two musical notes for the lads, 1) Your tag line should fit comfortably into the tune provided and not have an extra syllable and 2) Reverse cymbals are only effective when used OCCASIONALLY!

Rating: 6/10

Pixie Lott - All About Tonight

How long did I last: 0:33

Impressions: What is it with these popstars and not being able to rhyme? Shoes, attitude, you. These words share some verbal similarities but they DO NOT RHYME. And while she also seems to have employed Mr late 90's synth, her irritating voice and lack of originality meant I couldn't get more than 33 seconds in...

Rating: 3/10

The Wanted - Glad You Came

How long did I last: 0:44

Impressions: It's like someone took Coldplay, and made them duller, and then mixed it with some kind of Euro-dance track. Much as I dislike Coldplay, at least they have some musical prowess. These idiots don't. The End.

Rating: 3/10

So it turns out the best of a rather shit bunch this year is the Military Wives and One Direction. So I'm expecting that neither of them will win. In a way, it's nice that a lot more of these had real instruments than all the synths and dance beats of a couple of years ago, but on the flip side to that, it'd be nicer if they weren't all so dull....

Nothing to read? Why not buy my book! (And other plugs)

Good morning blog-readers (if anyone still reads this anymore!) I just wanted to plug my book which is now (finally) available to order online!

This link will lead you straight to my Lulu store where you will be able to order it - it will be available on Amazon too at a future date, but it does take them a while to get that sorted out...

Sorry for the lack of blog lately - I've been a very busy man. I hope to change that soon

Oh, and one last plug - The ever-wonderful Neety is adding middle names for charity, and there's only a couple of weeks to go until the deadline (Nov 30th) so please dig deep and suggest ideas! Only £1 per name!

Nintendo at E3

Now I'm an avid gamer. I always have been, and Nintendo has long been my console manufacturer of choice. (That is not to say that I dislike others, Neety and I own 15 in total, ranging from an XBOX 360 right back to an original Game Boy and the SNES. I even own a Sega Saturn, oh yes I do.) Therefore, instead of just catching up on the write up of their E3 conference, as I did with Microsoft and Sony, I thought that I'd watch Nintendo's live.

And before you ask, hell yes it was worth it.

Starting a few minutes late, we were taken on a ride through Nintendo's plans for the next year and beyond by the head honchos, most notably Miyamoto, Iwata-San and Reggie.

They began by addressing the fact that it is the 25th anniversary of the Zelda series. Which doesn't excite me massively. I own a few of them, and I appreciate they are good games, but they've never really been my cup of tea. Still, the announcement of releases for Skyward Sword on Wii and Links Awakening and 4 Swords on the eShop is good news.

And then.... we are teased with a little discussion of the new console, before we are left hanging on with that information, and Reggie comes to discuss the 3DS with us.

Just before we go any further, I would like to throw my hat into the endless mobius strip of discussion that the internet has been providing with regards to the 3DS. There seems to be a lot of discussion about whether it has had "healthy" launch sales, or if it is a disaster. Some people are defending it saying that in the launch window it has sold more than the original DS has - which sounds about right, but I can't be bothered to go and check those facts. My reaction to it is as follows: I love the 3DS and can't wait to get one, even if the games out so far are not must-have's just yet.

And speaking of the must-have's, Reggie ran us through five games in that category which will be released this year:

STARFOX 64 3D - There's not much I can say about this. I owned Starwing on SNES (sadly I don't own it any more, due to an incident with a bottle of Coke and my bedroom floor when I was 13 years old. No I'm not bitter about it, I just DON'T WISH TO DISCUSS IT ANY FURTHER!) which I loved, and have never played the N64 version, of which this is a port. Looks fun though.

KID ICARUS: UPRISING - This has been shown around since E3 last year, and consequentially, while it does look like a lot of fun (even if it seems to suffer from massively over-acting voice actors), I've seen a lot of screenshots and videos, and this didn't offer much new.

MARIOKART 3DS - After watching this trailer? My response was "HELL YEAH." It's Mariokart. In 3D. With underwater courses and customisable Karts. Oh, and hang gliders. I'm in!

SUPER MARIO 3D - A seeming cross between Super Mario 64, Mario Galaxy and New Super Mario Bros? I'm all over that shit. Plus, the raccoon suit returns! (Sorry, the Tanooki suit). Very, very hyped about this.

And the big surprise? Luigi's Mansion 2. On 3DS. At the point this was mentioned, my ever wonderful Neety (who, as I type this, is writing her own E3 blog for femme gamer) squealed in excitement as she is a huge fan of the original. I enjoyed the original a lot too, so this is good news for all concerned.

And then a trailer montage of forthcoming 3DS games - Resident Evil: Mercenaries 3D (YAYY!), Mario & Sonic at the 2012 Olympics (No interest for me whatsoever. Seriously, why have they not made the Mario V Sonic platformer we all want to see?), Ace Combat 3D (Planes. Flying. Looks pretty dull), Tetris (Brilliant but predictable), Cave Story 3D (Ah, Cave Story, allegedly an absolutely brilliant platformer. I found it incredibly dull) Resident Evil: Revelations (More Resi-action!), Driver: Renegade (Who keeps buying these games?), Pac-Man and Galaga (Looks colourful - no other insights on that one), Tekken 3D (Looks fun, but isn't the 3DS getting over-run with beat-em-ups? Street Fighter IV, DOA, Blazblue and now this?) and Metal Gear Solid 3. (No excitement here. Move along)

And then the moment we've been waiting for. The NEW CONSOLE!!! And it's called.....

WiiU.

Er... OK. I get why they wanted to keep the Wii branding, it is the most successful console in years... but still? That's the best they've got? I'd have preferred Wii2 to that! Never mind... I guess it means Sony's Playstation Vita will now not be the stupidest named console at this years E3!

Besides, it's not the name that matters is it? It's what it does. And apparently, the WiiU does... well... everything. It has a controller that looks like an iPad with buttons. Go ahead, click here and find out. I'll wait. (I would have embedded the picture in this blog, but Blogger made it too big and wouldn't let me amend the size and I can't be bothered to fight it right now.)

And then we were shown a video of how this allows a huge number of possibilities. Using it as an inventory screen for a game (as the pic above demonstrates), playing the game on the controllers screen while the TV is in use for something else, using the touchscreen as a controller in itself, utilising motion controls also, video chat, surf the net ... it seems to do everything.

And then, we get some talk from developers saying how much they love it and how great it'll be (of course they say that, it's a Nintendo video at the Nintendo conference!) and then a montage of games to show that WiiU is for everyone. And by everyone, what Nintendo means is "It's for everyone, but all the games we're showing are designed to win over the hardcore gamer, as they're the ones who have abandoned us and they're the only people who watch E3 things anyway."

So in short, it seems great, and I'm sure I shall buy one, and I think it has the smell of success around it. Why do I think that? Well I was texting my friend MiniNomi and I pointed out - "E3. New Nintendo Console. Wierd controller. Rubbish Name. It's like it's 2005 all over again...."

Who knows, if it worked for the Wii, then I'm sure it'll work for the WiiU. (Although the name is still rubbish.)

One, Two, Trilogy....

I begin this blog as I have so many others by apologising for the distinct lack of action this page has seen recently. Other things have been going on this year, and my mind has been elsewhere.

That said, I've decided to dip my toe into the world of blogging again, and upon glancing through my blogger account I found a half-written article that I felt I should revive, as it has been on my computer for ages. (Although this article will probably bear remarkably little resemblance to that post as I am writing this one on my notepad on a particularly quiet day at work (Except obviously the version you are reading now has been typed up, so this is the version I have written in the future from my current point of view, but when I type this up the current will be the past, and the typing will be the present, but from your point of view it's in the past@$%Q($£!$$£-----------------------------------TEMPORAL ERROR--------------TIME=-1<45-----------------------------------------------------

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Trilogies.

(And yes, I know I hadn't mentioned trilogies at any point in the previous paragraph, but trust me, that's where I was heading before I got sidetracked with all the temporal confusion)

Something that annoys me a great deal in life, is the misuse of the word trilogy. Just because there are three films/books/games in a series, does not automatically make it a trilogy. In fact, dictionary.com describes a trilogy as:

"a series or group of three plays, novels, operas, etc., that,although individually complete, are

closely related in theme,sequence, or the like."

To me, the most important word in that sentence is related. So it's not just a case of them showcasing the same characters (in my opinion). To me, a trilogy should be a trio of stories that come together to tell one over-arching story (And no, this doesn't mean that are not watchable within their own right, simply that the total trilogy is greater than the sum of its parts.)

A quick search of amazon for the word trilogy (narrowed to the Film and TV section for the sake of this blog, as otherwise I start to get lots of make-up in the search...) returns 1,061 results. And an awful lot of these are not really trilogies. The Robocop trilogy, for example, is not a trio of linked films, it is a trio of films that have Robocop in them.

I would like to point out, at this time I am not here to argue the artistic merits of third films in series' (as we know most of them are rubbish) and I will only pick examples of films I have seen to support my argument.

The number one result is Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, which is no surprise since I am writing this the weekend the fourth film opens at the cinema, and that, to me is a proper trilogy. You can watch all three films individually, but for the most satisfying experience, you watch all three of them, and by the end the characters have reached a suitable conclusion. (Plus, Kiera Knightly ends up on an island with a sprog, far away from any future sequels!)

While scrolling down the list, a lot of those that I would consider not real trilogies are older films, from back in the day when you simply sequalised a film by putting the same character(s) in a new situation (Naked Gun, Die Hard, Beverly Hills Cop, Mad Max) or two older films and then a more modern addition to the canon, which simply takes one element of the previous films (Obvious example here is the Predators Trilogy box-set. Which contains Predator (the original), Predator 2 (The shitty sequel, only really noticeable for having an alien skull on board the Predators ship, which began the years of cross-pollination between the franchises) and then Predators (The most recent entry from a couple of years ago, which apart from the titular alien has bugger all to do with the other two))

Am I arguing that artistically, real trilogies are better than fake ones? Not at all - I just wish that there would be some differentiation between the two. And don't get me started on trilogy sets that only exist because they can, even though there are more films in the series.... (There's a box set called the Omen trilogy on here, and I'm pretty sure there's four films in that series (not including the remake)). But it could be worse, at least they don't use the word quadrilogy....

Gavin.

This week I lost one of my best friends, who was taken from us too soon. Below are the words I wrote for his funeral:

About 12 years ago, Gavin took me to one side and told me that he was going to leave the youth service. This depressed me momentarily until his next sentence, which was “Instead, I’m just going to do shows on my own. Want to help?”

And that’s how Maverick started. Gavin had the vision, and I was the helper. And I quickly learnt that no matter how crazy his ideas, we’d achieve them. Staging Macbeth on a chessboard? Done. Casting, rehearsing and performing a show in a week? Done. Persuading a school that he, I, James, Matt and Brendan were a respectable theatre in education group? Done.

Over the next few years we repeatedly pushed people off Rockley pier in the name of art, painted 219 A3 playing cards to decorate a set with, acquired a surfboard from the tip and wrote, directed and produced more shows than I can possibly remember.

But while he was a man brimming over with artistic ideas, he never lost sight of the real reason behind Maverick. It was somewhere to go for the kids. Didn’t matter who you were, where you came from, what your circumstances, if you came along and were enthusiastic, you were instantly accepted.

And that just highlights who he was. A wonderful, caring and artistic person, who had the best track record I’ve ever known at trying to please everyone at once, and understood children’s theatre better than anyone I’ve ever met,. You can see that just by looking at the scripts, plays and stories that he wrote. Incidentally, people always thought that Gavin wrote scripts slowly. Not true. He wrote very quickly, it’s just he always avoided starting to write until the last possible moment.

I could talk about Gavin and Maverick forever. Without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I’m sure that many of you wouldn’t either. He was one of my closest friends, and I shall miss him beyond belief.

To conclude, I thought I’d quote some of his own lyrics, with a small adjustment made to fit the situation (as he was prone to do himself.)

This is the Story
How one man changed our lives
Never looking for Glory
One man, One fedora
A legend that thrives.

Just remember, the teller may be gone, but the stories that he tells will forever live on.

Thanks Gav. We'll miss you.