Am I Heartless?

I was reading BBC News' round-up of Antony Gormley's "Fourth Plinth" project this morning, and the thing that struck me most was how many of the people named in the article did things to raise awareness for charity.

Now, can I just state that I am not against charity, and indeed I believe that charities are good things (I know that sounds like an obvious statement, and that you'd have to have the brain capacity of a retarded chihuahua to disagree with it, but I thought it was worth stating, since the rest of this article may well sound like I don't like charities)

Are these people who would get up on a statue to raise awareness really more generous and caring than I am? If I'd been on the plinth I'd have taken a guitar and played music, or... well, I don't know. That's one of the reasons I didn't do it! But it would never have occurred to me to just get up and promote a charity.

And that, in a nutshell, is my worry. If you asked me whether I would do something for charity (and, in this example, let's assume it was something I was capable of doing / would enjoy / didn't need to do any organising for) then I would say yes. Or, alternatively, if I was directing a show, and someone wanted me to donate a share of the profits to charity, then I'd consider it and discuss it with the relevant people. But if you offered me a chance to do / talk about whatever I like, then I guarantee you it wouldn't be a charity I talked about.

Another example - A good friend of mine often goes out to Romania to work with orphans, he has done for several years now, and I'm sure a lot of good comes from it. However, when he returned, he was very enthusiastic that I, and various other friends, should go out to Romania with him next time, so that we could all work with the orphans and make everything nice and wonderful. Lots of our mutual friends said yes, but I instantly said no.

It's not because I think orphans aren't a deserving cause for charity work, it's just that I don't want to go out there and work with them, when there are so many factions of my life that are not, as yet, in order. Also, if you start doing things like that, where do you draw the line? If it was me, I'd be consumed with guilt for only helping the orphans and not the lame dogs of Germany, or some other charity work.

Don't get me wrong, I'd donate money to charity (and indeed, i have done before) if I had a suitable disposable income, but I don't. So I guess I value my own life and well-being (and that of family, friends and people I know) over that of good causes. But do other people feel differently? Do people genuinely rank charity causes above their own comfort? Or are they just racked with guilt at not being able to do enough?

I'm well aware that this post makes me sound like a selfish, idiotic asshole... but I do genuinely worry about it.

Am I a heartless bastard?