The Great Playthrough: Game 56 - Pikmin

I've been busy of late - mostly playing on my brand new Wii U that I got for Christmas! However, I suddenly realised that I was way behind on these blogs, so I've managed to crack out a new one for you - and suitably enough, it's a Nintendo franchise!

Yeah, it's still boxart. I'll do another picture of me soon(ish)...

Pikmin
Released on: Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo Wii
Played on: Nintendo WiiU (utilising the backwards compatibility - haven't got that have you PS4 or Xbox One!)
Release date: 2001

Like Pokemon, Pikmin was a franchise I missed out on when it started. Not out of any particular reason, just that it didn't appeal to me particularly, so I never got into it. And then I met my wonderful wife, and quickly realised quite how much she loves this franchise (not as much as Kingdom Hearts, but close) - this is proven by the blue pikmin (named Roger, obviously) who lives in our car...

But I digress. (Actually, that's not really digression, because I was still talking about Pikmin. Now I'm digressing though, by talking about the fact that I wasn't really digressing....*enters recurisve loop*)

Anyway. So, what's Pikmin about?

Well basically you are Captain Olimar, a podgy, confused little man who crash-lands on a planet when his spaceship is hit by a rock. And then you discover a lot of small plant-like creatures called Pikmin, who (luckily) are happy for you to use them as labour/an army in order to traverse the dangerous surface of the planet and obtain the parts of your spaceship.

Basically, it's a RTS game (real-time strategy) disguised as a cute kids game. You send your army of pikmin to attack/destroy/build/carry things, and you run around independently, making sure that none of them are killed by any of the dangers around!

Sounds fun, right? Well it is. I'll tell you that right off the bat. Pikmin is fun. And it's got some really nifty design ideas. The most stand-out one to me is the time limit. You see, Olimar can only survive on this planet with it's "poisonous oxygen" for thirty days. And there are (conveniently) thirty parts of the ship to find. So that's right, you have to find one every in-game day. And considering each in-game day lasts about 20 minutes (I think, I didn't time them!) then all of a sudden there is a pressure to get things done!

(Various people have told me that the time limit makes re-playing the game once you've completed it less fun - but I don't know, I only played it for an hour!)

Also, I actually had the choice of playing the Gamecube original or the Wii re-release, and was advised by Neety that the Wii controls are actually an improvement, and they certainly came naturally to me!

Now I'm not normally a strategy gamer type of guy, and I expected to be vaguely entertained, but not enthralled by Pikmin, but do you know what? One key decision Nintendo made when creating this franchise became the killer moment for me. The Pikmin are so cute, that when they die due to you launching them at an enemy they can't defeat, or by accidentally letting them drown, or any of the other numerous ways you can inflict death on the poor 'min, a little ghost rises up from them - and you feel guilty!

Seriously Nintendo, I'm a 33 year old man, I shouldn't care about the lives of tiny little animal/plants who are just in a video game - NO WAIT! GET AWAY FROM THAT LAKE! STOP WALKING THAT WAY YOU STUPID.... Oh crap.

You get the idea.

It's heartbreaking!

So you try really hard to get it all right for the little buggers, and before long you are hooked.

"Another glowing Nintendo review" I hear you all sigh, "Seriously Brawny, you are so predictable.."

Well my responses to that are twofold. Firstly... *blows raspberry*.

Secondly, there are some things I didn't like about the game - it was maybe a little too calm and sedentary for me (although that might just be the opening levels) and I find the fact that you have to use tactics confusing (but again, that's probably just me. I like games where I mash the A button until enemies are lying on the floor with limbs all askew.... wow, that sounded violent!)

And that, in essence, is my review in a nutshell. It's a very good game - but it's unlikely to ever become a must play for me, as (like RPGs), the gameplay style is not one that enthralls me.

I'll play it a bit more though - just to make sure the Pikmin all get home OK....

*Turns back to TV and ignores world...*

Rating: 8/10
Time played: 1 hour
Would I play it again? Yes - on and off.

Next time on Brawny's great playthrough - it's a console we haven't done before.. and no, it's no the WiiU! (Not yet anyway, although I am in the midst of writing a WiiU specific blog post too!)

Yet more Musical Mediocrity - the Brit Awards 2014!

Once again, we are zooming towards February, which means we will soon be at that wonderful time when we are informed about what has been utterly shite in the world of music this year. I am, of course, talking about the BRIT awards. So, to carry on my long-held tradition (see my blogs for 2013, 2012 and 2010 - I never did one for 2011), I shall have a look at the nominations for British Single of the Year and give you my unique take on them all...

As always, I listen to as much of the song as I can stand, and then tell you what I thought - I hope you are ready - here goes...

Bastille - Pompeii

How long did I last? 2:39

Impressions: It sounds quite 80's. Is that a thing now? I thought we had revisited the 80s a few years ago and had moved on since then. I'm not a fan of extending a one syllable word over six notes, especially how often they do it, but at least the song sounds unique overall - it's not something I'd be likely to mix up with anything else...

It's not perfect, by any means, and it does feel a little like they were worried about listeners getting bored, particularly in the second verse where there are about four different accompaniment styles over the space of two lines...

And then, in the middle, it decides to abandon it's individuality and stages it's very own breakdown, cutting back to just vocals and piano, before adding backing vocals, then drums... like EVERY POP SONG OF THE LAST TEN YEARS HAS DONE!*

(*Note: I have no actual proof of this, it just feels like this is the case)

But this wasn't terrible. Maybe the quality of music has improved over the last year? Maybe I've become more tolerant?

Rating: 6/10

Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding - I Need Your Love

How long did I last? 0:37

Impressions: I have not become more tolerant. This song started and all of the horrendous memories of years past doing this blog came flooding back.

Before I go any further, I must confess an automatic prejudice against this song - I very much dislike Ellie Goulding. In the several of her songs I have unfortunately heard, her common theme appears to be the fact that she cannot pronounce any kind of consonants whatsoever, instead preferring to just breath down a microphone with the implication that some of the noises she makes may at one point have been words.

And while we're on the subject of musicians that I could not possibly give two fucks about, welcome back Calvin Harris - I hadn't missed you at all! And I see you are still utilising four/five note patterns on horrible synths with some heavy drums to give it a big beat - oh wait, are you just doing that to drown out Ellie Goulding? If so, Mr Harris, you have my respect. Not much of it, but a tiny amount. A drawing pin's worth of respect, if you will.

However, your songwriting still sucks. Delaying the fourth chord of the world's most obvious chord sequence doesn't make your song original. It just makes it jarring to the ear and makes it sound awful.

Rating: 2/10

Disclosure - White Noise

How long did I last? 0:37

Impressions: It starts off sounding like video game music, which is a positive in my book. Sadly this positive only manages to last slightly longer than the positive charge in an AA battery once you have slotted it into the back of a Sega Game Gear (you see? I can still get retro gaming references into this blog even when it's about music!). And then the vocal starts, which is what killed the song for me. Imagine, if you will the sound you get if you took a squealing weasel, managed to (somehow) insert it into a toothpaste tube and then slowly squeezed the end.

That's what this sounds like. As if someone is slowly squeezing out the words.. well, I say words - I assume there are words but in direct contrast to Ellie Goulding, it seems that this weasel ONLY uses consonants, so it just sounds like some harsh noises.

And the music is so repetitive, dull and immensely frustrating to listen to. It's as if someone thought they'd written a song, that lasted 7 seconds, pressed a button on the keyboard, pressed repeat and left.

I may be doing this song a disservice, as it may pick up and become interesting later on, but I highly doubt it...

Rating: 3/10

Ellie Goulding - Burn

How long did I last: 1:11

Impressions: Why does this begin like some kind of dance track? It's an Ellie Goulding song, shouldn't it be all breathy and dull? Oh wait, here comes the unique vocal stylings of little Miss "I just breathe instead of sing" and the track begins it's sharp descent into horrendousness. Seriously, it sounds like some kind of early 90's dance track - I was expecting some Bonkers-style happy hardcore beats to come in at some point - which, let's face it, would probably have improved it.

And how many times does she feel the urge to say Burn in the chorus? Is this song a secret tutorial for pyromaniacs or something? (There may be a lyrical reason for it - but since I can't understand a damn word she says, I couldn't tell you!)

Rating: 3/10 (It's better than her Calvin Harris one. Just.)

John Newman - Love me Again

How long did I last: 2:59

Impressions: First things first. I don't like his voice. I tried not to let that influence me, as I am notoriously fussy with vocalists, so I tried to listen to the whole orchestration and not focus on it. Then the descending string part (which sounds like it came direct from the seventies) starts, and it reaches the morse code style guitar part. I was reaching out to turn it off, but stopped when the chorus came in. And I realised that although I have heard this - many many many times - it's *takes deep breath* not shit!

Don't get me wrong, this isn't audio perfection by ANY means - I still don't like his voice, and it is remarkably musically predictable (yes I am a musical snob - what are you going to do about it!) but at least it has real instruments (and synth strings) and it bounces along the way that a pop song should do.

So just as I was thinking that this was doing really well, it reaches the middle eight, and sadly, that completely breaks the song for me. It is such a dirge in comparison with everything we've heard before. It's such a shame, because without that I MIGHT have listened to it all the way through.

Rating: 7/10

Naughty Boy - La, La, La

How Long did I last?: 0:20

Impressions: This opens with some kind of ethereal fake harp. That's OK, I can cope with that. But then the vocal (and I use that word so very loosely) comes in. Singing "lalalalalala". And that's where I stopped. Partly because I feel that anyone who sings with la la la la is just lazy, but mostly because the last of the la's in each line has had so much auto tune applied to make it slide up that it just sounds horrendous. You remember how the cheap keyboards you used to play with in music lessons had the pitch bend wheels on the end? Well it's like that, but with a horribly cut and pasted vocal.

This song is not recommended for you. Or for anyone with ears and any kind of musical knowledge. Or rats. (It would be cruel to the rats).

Rating: 2/10

Olly Murs - Dear Darlin'

How long did I last? 1:14

Impressions: So, last year Olly Murs was the big surprise for me. I listened to his song all the way through and enjoyed it. So I was quietly confident when I started this song.

"OK", I thought, "It's a ballad - It starts with just piano and vocals, so let's see what happens next... oh, the second time around the verse has a kick drum under it - not original but works I guess..."

And then, the rest of the song comes in, and in one defining moment I realise what's going on.

Last year, Olly Murs wanted to sound like Maroon 5 - which is fine, as Maroon 5 have long since stopped sounding like Maroon 5.  So for this song, Olly Murs apparently REALLY REALLY wants to sound like Robbie Williams. But not early-era energetic Robbie Williams, oh no. He wants to be overblown middle of the road filled with dullness Robbie Williams. The Robbie Williams everyone tries to forget - with such wonderful hits as "Millenium" and other such bland shite.

This song is just not fun, and that was a big disappointment for me. Olly was a pleasant surprise in last year's blog, but sadly that appears to have been a one off, rather than the norm.

What a shame.

Rating: 4/10

One Direction - One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)

How long did I last: 0:51

Impressions: Oh dear god. Before I even put this on I was worried about it. Just look at that combination of title(s) and artist. It seems to scream "Hey, remember when music was good? Well FUCK YOU - that will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!".

In fact, I almost listened to zero seconds of it, but I decided that it wouldn't be fair to do that. I promised to try every song on the list. And that includes this one.

So here we go.

...

I guess that after ripping off other songs for their own "original" compositions ("Summer Lovin'" for "You don't Know you're Beautiful", "Baba O'Reilly" for "Best Song Ever", "Should I stay or Should I go" for "Live While We're Young", to name but three) One Direction embracing cover songs is the next logical step, but who thought that this was a good idea?

There are no words to describe the awfulness of this.

Oh, and now the Synth Clap is being used. Personally I think that the use of Synth Clap should be banned, and anyone who uses it should get THE CLAP!

Ugh.

I tried to listen further, as I'm told that there is a "mash up" involving Teenage Kicks later in the song (hence the title), and I wanted to hear how awful that was. However, it is a medical fact that if you listen to more than one minute of this song (and you are over 12 years old), then your brain will explode.

Rating: 1/10

Passenger - Let Her Go

How Long did I last? 2:01

Impressions: Now this is strange, the opening sounds like a real instrument. Not the ethereal synth harps of Naughty Boy, or the vomit-inducing synths of Calvin Harris, or even the HORRENDOUS SYNTH CLAP OF DOOM used by One Direction. This is a real instrument, one that somebody has to learn how to play... that makes a change! Again, like the earlier song by John Newman. I wasn't particularly keen on the vocalist when it started, but I let it keep going - if for no other reason than it was cleansing my brain of the One Direction horrors it had previously suffered.

But yeah, musically it's OK. The chord sequence, while pretty standard, was at least varied enough to not just be a bog-standard four chord sequence, and the orchestration actually sounded quite nice...

Sadly it came down to the vocalist after a little while. John Newman survived because the rest of the song was interesting and energetic - but with this pedestrian plodding song, there's only so much of this vocalist I can take - especially when I can't understand the lyrics because there's a complete lack of diction again!

Rating: 5/10

Rudimental - Waiting All Night

How Long did I last? 0:56

Impressions: What happened to songwriters / musicians / producers? Why can't we just give a vocalist a tune, tell them to sing it, and then record them singing it? Why must we play with auto-tune to make it sound horrible, and why must it be cut and pasted to high heaven? Please, can't someone stop the madness?

Well, if they can, it sure as hell won't be on this song, which suffers from all of those complaints and more. I mean, this isn't music, it's just - noise.

*HYPOCRITE ALARM*

Yes, I know that I like to listen to Slayer. Or Rob Zombie. Or Ginger Wildheart's Mutation albums. And yes, I know that a lot of people would just deem them noise as well. But...

Well...

They are better noise! (And I don't need to justify it any more than that - it's my blog damnit!)

Also that drum beat - the one that sounds like someone has taught a strobe light how to play the drums - aren't we past that now? Surely we don't need to keep making songs that sound like this - do we?

Rating: 3/10

So this is over for another year - and the winner (i.e. the one that is the most not shit) is John Newman! Well done sir, you can continue to make music. Now the rest of you, if you'd just step through this door...

*Ushers the artists out of the door*

*Shuts the door*

*Muffled Shotgun Blast rings out*

*Comes back in alone*

Let's do better next year, eh?

The Great Playthrough: Game 55 - Lemmings Revolution

So it's been an awful long time since I wrote one of these blogs - but in my defence, I've been quite busy. Plus, I intended to try something different and do this as a video review, but then it just seemed like an awful lot more work, so I'm sticking to typing! Besides, none of you want to see my face anyway!

No picture of me today. Mostly because of the following reasons:
1) I can't find the case for the game
2) My phone battery is dead
3) I can't be arsed to fix either of the first two issues!

Lemmings Revolution
Released on: PC
Played on: PC
Release date: 2000

I had thought that I'd played at least one game on every gaming platform I own in the course of this playthrough - and then I got to Lemmings Revolution, and realised that I hadn't actually played a PC game yet!

When I was a teenager, the PC was my primary gaming platform - on which I played such wondrous games as Doom, X-Wing, the Secret of Monkey Island and, of course, Lemnmings. But in recent years I have drifted away from the PC as a gaming platform - because there's always confusion about how to make a game work! If you buy an Xbox 360 game, you know you can just put it in the drive and it will play. PC gaming on the other hand means that you have to tweak settings, make sure your graphics card is up to scratch, create boot disks... (oh wait, that was when I had a 386SX16 - oh well, you get the idea!)

But I obtained Lemmings Revolution from a charity sale a year or so ago and picked it up for the grand price of 50p - so I thought it'd be worth a go!

And then it wouldn't play.....

...

And then eventually, after some messing about, it did. So what did I think of Lemmings Revolution, after all that faffing about to get it running?

Well, it's OK. But it's nowhere near as good as the original - or the sequel for that matter.

The idea is quite good as the lemmings are on cylindrical mazes - so you are working on a 2D plane with 3D graphics - as opposed to the frankly awful 3D Lemmings which came out before this. And the sound is OK, and the graphics aren't bad.

The controls are great - still as intuitive as the original - just point and click. (A practical reason why console ports of Lemmings and it's sequels have never been as engrossing as playing it on a PC).

But the level design just feels a bit.... I dunno... bland?

I played through the first twenty or so levels (I say the first twenty - just like many Lemmings games, you don't have to tackle them in a linear fashion, so my first twenty wouldn't be the same as your first twenty. But then you don't own the game, do you?) and by the end I was just bored.

I didn't feel any particular challenge, and I solved almost all of the levels on my first try. Now I'm not THAT good at Lemmings, so this has obviously been dumbed down a little from the intensity of the earlier games, which is a shame.

Don't get me wrong, there are some funky additions, teleporters, little anti-gravity things that turn your lemmings upside down, switches... all of these are workable additions to the game. But without the excitement of the levels, I just couldn't bring myself to continue.

And yes, I appreciate that there may be some extremely well designed levels further down the line - but I'm not sure I want to waste the time getting there!

So I left Lemmings Revolution feeling both disappointed and let down. These scrappy little blue robe-wearing, green-haired entertainers from the early games feel that they have been replaced by someone in a beige suit, wearing a beige tie, who has recently bathed in a bath entirely filled with "meh". The excitement has gone. And for me, that's the shark-jumping moment for any sequel...

Oh well.

Rating: 5/10
Time played: About 30 minutes
Will I play it again? I'll leave it installed on my PC for years, but I probably won't choose to fire it up anytime soon...

So, what am I playing next? *Has a look at his sheet* Oooh - you'll be in for a surprise!

The Great Playthrough: Game 54 - Duke Nukem 3D

That's right, the pictures of me holding
games and making stupid faces are back!

Duke Nukem 3D
Released on: PC, Sega Saturn, Playstation, Nintendo 64, Mega Drive...... and many many more
Played on: Sega Saturn
Release date: 1996

It's time for another FPS review... no, don't skip to the end assuming that I hated it. It's possible that I didn't... I mean, I know that my track record is that of the four FPS' I have reviewed in this blog, three of them have scored a 6 or under... but that doesn't mean I've written of the genre, does it?

Well, no.

First of all, I must make one thing clear. There is no genre of games which I would completely write off. I'll try anything. Sports games, strategy games, RPGs... hell, I'll even play Sega Bass Fishing to give it a try. As sometimes you can get a diamond in the rough.

And is Duke Nukem 3D that diamond?

Well - sort of.

I remember playing Duke 3D for ages when it first came out on PC, and I thought it was one of the greatest things ever. It was like Doom - but funny! How could I not like it? And that sense of good humour and entertainment swept me up and kept me playing through this review.

Don't get me wrong, as a game it is far from perfect. In fact, if "perfect" was a small island in the outer hebredes, Duke Nukem 3D would be somewhere in orbit around Jupiter.

But for some reason, it's entertaining. Even though it is full of problems (wonky jumping physics, the dodgy sound effects, the difficulty level that isn't so much a curve as it is a series of random, very sharp, unexpected spikes!)  it still kept me smiling all the way through - through the frustrations, through the strange level design - I was always entertained.

And sometimes that's all that you need from a game! It's not a game I shall EVER play to completion, because I suspect it would wear thin after a while, but for the occasional bit of FPS blasting? I could do far worse.

I suppose I ought to talk about how this game, originally designed for PC, fares on a console with a traditional joypad setup - and the answer is, remarkably well! (Apart from the fact that you cannot aim upwards, so if enemies are hovering you need to jump AND shoot - which drives your accuracy down through the floor!)

This has been a very "bitty" review, I know, but I feel like a review should reflect a game, and I feel that Duke Nukem 3D is fun in short bursts.

(Plus, I know that the previous blog was very long, so I thought I'd make this shorter!)

Rating: 7/10
Time played: Just under an hour.
Will I play it again? Not instantly, but probably sometime in the future...

The Great Playthrough: Game 53 - Pokemon Silver

Pokemon Silver
Released on: Game Boy Colour
Played on: Super Game Boy (aka the Game Boy adaptor for the SNES)
Release date: 2000

When you live with someone else who loves games, you end up with games that are yours, games that are the other persons, and games that you both play that no-one remembers who originally bought.

The Pokemon games in our house all belong exclusively to Neety, and as such I had decided that they would not feature in this playthrough. This wasn't just because they were not "my" games, but for another reason as well.

Nintendo in their infinite wisdom (in order for households to buy a copy of each Pokemon game for each child who wishes to play) only allow one save slot per game on Pokemon, and as one of my rules for the playthrough consist of starting a game from scratch, if I had played the three or four Pokemon games we have, then I'd have erased Neety's progress on all of them - which as you can imagine, would not have gone down well.

Then Neety pointed out that we own a copy of Pokemon silver where the internal battery is buggered - so it doesn't remember save games. (Well sometimes it does, but not for long). So with her blessing I (reluctantly) put Pokemon on my list.

"But Brawny, why were you reluctant to play Pokemon, when it's a famous Nintendo franchise, and you are a lover of all things Nintendo?"

Much as I hate to admit it, I was prejudiced. When Pokemon was released, my younger brother was very into them, whereas teenage me declared them "kids stuff" and never picked one of the games up.

Until now....

So I sat down with the control pad in my hand, Neety watching with interest, and powered up the game.

Before I get into the game itself, let me just say a quick word about the Super Game Boy.

If, like me, you own Game Boy games and a SNES, then you should have one of these wonderful converters - because it does make playing those game boy games a more social thing (plus you don't have to go searching for the "right" light to play a Game Boy under, because we all know they're a pain to play in normal light!)

But anyway, back to Pokemon Silver. I would tell you what the plot of the game is, but it's the same plot as that in every Pokemon game (from what I understand) - take your fluffy animal out to battle other fluffy animals. Defeat everyone. Capture all Pokemon. Be great.

But the point is, it's an RPG, (And no, I don't mean a Rocket Propelled Grenade...) and I may have mentioned before what my problems with RPGs are. But I approached it with an open mind, and do you know what?

I really enjoyed it.

Now I'm not necessarily saying that I would play every Pokemon game to completion - but certainly for the hour and a half I was playing, I didn't get bored and the time flew past. The battles are engaging, and the tutorials are subtle - with you learning things as you progress instead of the modern trend of spending the first half hour of the game on a tutorial mission with no real point and that explains everything as if you had the brainpower of a ZX81.

The graphics are well done, with nice big sprites and the few colours used adding to the atmosphere. The music, on the other hand, is more than well done - it is irritatingly catchy! (And, as a side note, apparently my wife can sing every piece of Pokemon incidental music, as I discovered!)

But the biggest thing I can praise this game for, is the wonder of exploration. I am sure that later on in the game you have to backtrack and you get fed up with fighting Rattatta's for the 9 billionth time, but I was forever excited to press onwards and play just to see what I would come across next!

Yes the random encounters get annoying, and there's a lot of walking that goes on - but there's nothing worse about this game than that!

There's not a lot more I can say really - I thought I'd hate it, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Who saw that coming?

Rating: 8.5/10
Time Played: 1 and a half hours
Would I play it again? I probably would - although I might have to bust the cartridge open and replace the battery first!

Next time - It's time to encounter a game my teenage self DID play, featuring a blond chauvinist pig who smokes cigars and damages everything in sight....

The Great Playthough: Game 52 - Sonic Adventure 2 Battle

I would like to start this blog with an apology for the lack of updates. I know I have done this before here, and here, and here... but this time I have a real excuse for the quiet time - Neety and I moved house! And I've only just got my computer back up and running! (And yes, I still use a desktop computer - you know why? Because they are better. Accept it all you laptop-luvvies!)

So without further ado, let me introduce our next game....

Sonic Adventure 2 Battle
Released on: Nintendo Gamecube
Played on: Nintendo Wii
Release date: 2002

Yes, it's a Sonic game. I am aware that I've already reviewed quite a few of these, but I have a soft spot for the speedy blue hedgehog - it's not my fault!

(Disclaimer - It may actually be my fault. Sorry.)

This is the second game that Sonic appeared in which was in 3D. The first was Sonic Adventure, which I shall be covering on another blog. Interestingly, the game "Sonic 3D" (which I shall also be reviewing later in this experiment) is not in what we now think of as 3D, as it is an isometric game based around 2D sprites. Confused? I'm sure you are. I am, and I understand what the hell I'm talking about!

Sonic Adventure 2, meanwhile, started life on the Dreamcast, before being hurredly ported to the Gamecube when Sega threw all of it's stocks of Dreamcasts into the sea and pretended it had only ever made games, rather than consoles. (Which is a shame, as I like the Dreamcast!) The gamecube port simply added "Battle" to the end of the title and faffed about with Chao gardens and extra multiplayer modes.

But multiplayer isn't what we play Sonic games for.... Single player high-speed adventure is!

Oh.

Sorry, for a moment there I thought I was talking about a 2D Sonic game.

Sonic Adventure 2 Battle has some of the best moments of Sonic games, and an awful lot of moments that - if they are not the worst, are certainly down at the bottom of the barrel with the mouldy apples and the broken spoons that have previously been used to scrape the bottom of said barrel.

(Again, I must apologise for my metaphors for being so tortured in this article - and I must also give a big shout out to Neety, who was able to remind me of the word metaphor when I couldn't remember it!)

Firstly, I must state that I always have a problem with Sonic games that appear vaguely set in the real world. The original Sonic 2D games have Sonic, other animal friends and Dr Robotnik, (I shall NEVER call him Eggman!) and in my mind, that seems to be a reasonable (if slightly strange) population of the world. Then, when they start to have other humans, and police chasing Sonic, for some reason it stretches the credibility of that world to breaking point for me.

I'm not sure that paragraph made sense - but I'm not rewriting damnit! Now is not the time for re-writing!

But ignoring that, the problems with this game are many. And the big one is that you only play as Sonic for a third of the game! Or if you choose the Dark side, you get to play as Shadow instead. Isn't that what we all wanted?

..... *watches tumbleweed roll past*.....

Anyway, you spend a third of the game as Tails - who for some unfathomable reason has a plane. Even though he has two tails which means he can FLY UNAIDED!! Oh, and sometimes the plane turns into a giant mech. Just, you know, because.

Then you spend a third of the game as Knuckles. Now I have nothing against Knuckles as a character, but his sections are basically a kind of giant treasure hunt for pieces of.. something or other, I forget... using the worlds crappiest radar as your only hope. Seriously, if the navy used that radar, they'd shoot torpedoes at Grimsby thinking that it was a hidden Russian submarine! And even if you can deduce roughly where the stupid thing is, half the time they are buried in the ground, so you just keep randomly sidestepping and digging again until you find it!

So I'm not a fan of these two sections, but what about the Sonic sections themselves?

There are absolutley brilliant moments in them. When you are zooming down a hill, and Sonic is responsive, and you don't have to try and perform any pixel-perfect movements then it's great fun. But then you turn a corner, and the camera fails to do so. Or you have to inch your way onto a pixel-thin bridge, while still running, and the controls are so twitchy it's impossible to keep him running in a damn straight line!

And the difficulty level... oh dear Sega. Have you never heard of a balanced game? One second you are rushing through, the next you are battling for your life! And then, suddenly, you're running through an easy level again...

It's such a divided game - divided within itself. The graphics and sound are up there with others of its generation, and the music in particular is still often catchy (with the occasional monotonous annoying piece thrown in), but it's just a case of too many ideas, not enough game, and a serious lack of polish.

Sorry Sonic, but you go to the bottom of the class...

Rating: 5/10
Time played: 1 hour 
Will I play it again?: Maybe - although the 3D bits of Generations are better, so I might just stick with that...

Next time, I tackle a famous video game franchise that I have NEVER played before - which one? Come back and find out!

The Great Playthrough: Game 51 - Road Rash II

You're going to get box art pictures for the
next few blogs - Neety and I are in the midst of
moving, so photos are impractical!

Road Rash II

Released on: Sega Megadrive
Played on: Sega Megadrive
Release date: 1992

If you know me, you would think that this game would be a perfect fit for me. It's an arcade-style-racer (and we know I've spoken about my enjoyment of those before, most recently here) - it's also a 16-bit game, and it involves motorbikes, so I should love it beyond belief, right?

Well......

*Makes awkward noise*

.... I like it. Sort of.

After my recent run of games that are either brilliant (Street Fighter II Turbo, House of the Dead III etc...) or awful (yes, I'm looking at you Sonic the Fighters - I'm looking right into your polygonal face!) it is both a change and a disappointment that I'm back into games that I remember being better than they are.

But that's right where Road Rash II sits, sadly.

Don't get me wrong, it's got some good bits - beating up Policemen on bikes, beating up other people on bikes, stealing weapons from passing bikers so you can use those weapons to beat up people on bikes...

.... oh wait. That's all the same bit isn't it. That's the "beating up" bit.

So how's the racing bit?

Well - it's distinctly average. And yes, this is one of those situations where maybe I have been spoilt by the advances in racing games over the last few years, but the controls feel strange, there's very little sense of speed, and whether you win or not seems much more down to luck than skill. And the less said about the "progression" through the game, the better.

I don't know if you can tell from the segmented style of this review, but I'm finding it really hard to be negative about this game - because somewhere in my heart I know I should love it. You know when you buy an an album that's recorded by a band you really love, years after they are past their best? You are happy to own it, you know you should like it, but every so often you put it on and are disappointed. So it sits on your shelf, and you gain pleasure from knowing it's there, even though it's disappointing? Well Road Rash II is like that.

Sort of.

(Wow, that was a convoluted analogy - I hope you understood what I meant!)

I think the final thing to say about this game is that I think it was massively ahead of it's time. As I played it I just kept thinking

'If someone remade this for current generation consoles, it'd sell by the bucketload!'

And I think that's the first time I've ever longed for a remake...

Rating: 5/10
Time Played: About 45 Minutes
Would I play it again? In a couple of years, when I've forgotten the disappointment of this attempt.

Next time on Brawny's Great Playthrough - you'll laugh, you'll cry, and most importantly you'll wish a certain blue hedgehog had remained in two dimensions.....