OK, I don't want to sound like Noel Edmonds on "Noel's HQ" (A suitably demented TV program that I only became aware of thanks to Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, where Noel Edmonds basically tells everyone that we should be happy and that if councils or other authority figures do anything to stop us we should RISE UP AND KILL THEM (He doesn't actually say that, although it would be funnier if he did, instead he just complains about things like a council making a decision to not allow an ex-soldier to build a bungalow, without knowing any of the reasons why, implying that since he fought for us he should be able to build whatever he wants wherever he wants) ) but I just read a news story that is both hysterical and ridiculous.
This is a story about a high school in the U.S. who have banned a certain book from classrooms. Now stop for a second and try and think of a book that couldn't possibly be banned...
The Bible? No, that's not banned
The U.S. Constitution? Nope. They can still read that.
The book that has caused most offence is.. *drum roll*.... THE DICTIONARY!
If you are too lazy to click on the link I so conveniently provided (and if you didn't then how do you expect to get the maximum satisfaction and entertainment from this blog? I mean, if you're not going to take the time to do auxiliary reading, then maybe I just won't tell you what it says, so that you have to look. Except if I do that, then I can't carry on. Oh OK, this time I'll let you off. But next time, click on it!) then you won't have read the funniest bit of this story yet, which is as follows:
"This was because a child had found the definition of "oral sex" in the book (I'd guess it's there along with a lot of other "bad" words)."
Shock horror, there's a definition of Oral Sex in the dictionary?? (If I was a trend-setter, I'd use the new SarcMarc on this sentence, but I'm not. Plus you have to pay to download it, and frankly I was using sarcasm in the written word long before they invented it, so they can bugger off! :P ) Of course there is. I remember spending many happy English lessons looking up rude words in dictionaries, isn't that what they're there for?
This does make me laugh. Then there's the assumption written at the bottom of the article that says
"I'd guess they don't let children near the internet then"
I wonder if they do? I hope so, because you can find MUCH worse things than a definition of "Oral Sex" on the internet. (This blog for instance. Or BBC iPlayer, which is a brilliant way of wasting time. Or such simple things as a hamster in a wok (I dare you to watch that and not laugh)).
But my question is, what will they ban next? The story of King Arthur due to its incest, black magics and violence? Romeo and Juliet because "impressionable" students might attempt to copy the double suicide at the end? But of course we know what it is they'll ban next. It's the only logical step.
The Thesaurus. Because not only would they be able to look up the definition of "Oral Sex", they'd learn it can also be called going down, licking out, blow job, giving head, muff diving, sucking off, carpet munching and many many more....
On a scale of one to ridiculous, this banning of the dictionary is so far off the ridiculous end of the scale that it's entered a whole other dimension of ridiculousness. And that's a fact.
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