Election Fever and how to cure it.

So, the day is upon us. It's election day. Everyone rejoice!

*Listens to the complete lack of rejoicing*

That's right people, it's election day. And, for the first time in, oh maybe ten years or so, I am actually voting. But this blog isn't about me, it's about two other types of people.

Type 1: The self-righteous Voter

This is the person who goes to vote before badgering you, asking who you're voting for, why, when you're going to do it, and using that immortal phrase (which belongs in the pantheon of "Phrases Brawny hates") "If you don't vote, then you can't complain about the state of the country". Bollocks. Yes you can. You can complain as much as you like.

Now the obvious enemy of the Self-Righteous voter is this man (or woman - I'm not sexist)

Type 2: The Apathetic Non-Voter

This is the person who won't go and vote, usually for one of the following reasons:
I don't know enough about it
I've read the manifesto's and it doesn't make a difference
It's just going to be as bad whoever gets in.

Now most of you, I expect, are waiting for me to start complaining about this person. But I won't. Because I was one of them (and still am partially, I'm voting this time because there are specific things I would like to happen, but if there weren't I'd still be this guy). And let me tell you why. It's not because I'm lazy (although I can be), it's because I genuinely don't believe most things would be solved in a change of government. I use the following as my reasoning:

1) Every party lies during campaigns - they therefore won't enact at least 50% of their policies even if they get elected
2) There are things outside the control of politicians and the government - the financial situation we are currently in would, for example, have happened under any government, because until it happened we wouldn't have prevented it!

The next most common thing I used to hear was "Well why not go and spoil your ballot in protest?". Because it's not really a protest. I admire the gesture but the problem is (and I'm going to simplify slightly here) the results we see of voting ballots reported in the news will be as follows:

Labour - a%
Conservative - b%
Liberal Democrats - c%
Others - d%
Spoilt papers - e%

The problem is that no-one knows how many of those papers were spoilt out of protest, as opposed to the ones that are spoilt because stupid people don't understand how to draw an X.

If there was an option for "None of the above" on the ballot paper, then I would have voted every time I had the chance in the eleven years I've been eligible. But there isn't.

So this blog is a message of solidarity to those people who are not voting today (Unless you're a voter who's too lazy to get out of bed. Then you're just lazy.) Vote if you want to. Vote if there's a reason to. But if you genuinely don't believe you know enough or don't want any of the parties to get in, then why bother going down and scribbling on your paper? Is it worth it? Find a different way to make your statement...

And don't let those pushy voting bastards tell you "You're not allowed to complain." Complain all you damn well want.

P.S. At work there is a mock election going on today, and students have been representing the parties. They were all supposed to come to me to record announcements for each individual party, and I found the results kind of mirrored certain stereotypes of the parties:

The Lib Dems - The delegated representative turned up on time, was very polite, and recorded a nice little message directly relating to their policies. Unfortunately it was delivered in a dull, monotonic fashion, and no-one would have listened to it.

Labour - Four of them turned up half an hour late, argued over what the recording should sound like and then recorded something that was all style and no substance.

Conservative - Just didn't bother to turn up.

I'm not passing judgement, but I did find it funny - especially when the eventual decision was made that the announcements would not be going out on the tannoy, therefore allowing the Conservatives to have gone home early the day we recorded and still not lost any ground....

P.P.S. If anyone can figure out what my title is a reference to, they get a brownie point. (Which isn't a sharpened 8 year old girl...)